I’m worth it

Today I want to talk about something that feels exciting, vulnerable, and a little scary.

I want to talk about my ‘why’ for the trail ultramarathon I’m going to be running next month.

In an earlier message, I talked about the importance of finding your WHY.

Having a big goal or embarking on a life change can feel exciting and invigorating, but to weather all of the challenges you’ll face, it’s important to have a strong reason for doing it…in other words, your WHY.

I’ve written about my big goal - a 100 mile trail race in the mountains here in Colorado - before. I’m 5 weeks away from the race, and I’m feeling all kinds of emotions.

I’m excited and confident. I’ve been training hard. I’ve been experimenting and learning. I’ve seen every part of the course.

And I’m also nervous.

I regularly feel equal parts stoke and doubt. I understand that ultra marathons are all about facing the unknown.

But my brain does NOT like the unknown!

Writing about this feels vulnerable. A part of me says, ‘what if you tell everyone about it and then you fail? Better to keep quiet so if you fail, no one has to know.’

That voice is old and familiar.

Sharing openly about something that I care about feels scary, exposed, and risky.

But today’s message is too important to let that old voice keep me from sharing it with you.

As I’ve contemplated my WHY, the thought that keeps coming to me is…

I’m worth it.

After not completing this race in 2019, signing up again wasn’t easy.

There are a few reasons why.

Fear of failing again is one of them. Failing the first time around - even though I learned a lot - was disappointing. Putting myself back in a situation where I could fail is scary.

I’ve tried to mitigate these feelings with smart, consistent training. My training has given me confidence. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the fear of failure is still there. I suppose it’s part of taking on a big challenge.

I also I worried that I’d wasted the time of the family and friends who came to help me last time, and I didn’t want to ask that of people again. I almost felt like I didn’t deserve a second chance. (Yes, I’m hard on myself!).

Then there’s the voice in my head that says, ‘are you nuts, attempting this in your 50s? Why didn’t you do this in your 30s?’ Weirdly, I know that’s not MY voice, but perhaps an echo from my past when people questioned the reasonableness of my choices.

I actually dream of being an ultra runner well into my 60s and beyond. I don’t know where this dream came from, but it’s there!

I’m worth it.

Because I failed before, I’ve sometimes thought that I should pack this dream away and choose something easier.

This voice is also old and familiar.

There have been times in my life where I could have chosen something big, exciting and risky - and I’ve chosen to stay smaller and safer.

There have been times when I’ve backed down from challenges because I didn’t want to risk failure.

In these instances, I didn’t fear failure as much as I feared how I’d be perceived if things didn’t go according to plan.

The fear of how we’ll be perceived if we fail is so human.

(I’ve also realized that other people really aren’t thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about me. In fact, other people really aren’t thinking about me AT ALL. And if they were disappointed in me for failing, how would I know that, and what would it matter?)

Putting my heart and soul into something - and being free enough to talk about it - requires an investment in myself.

The investment requires courage and the willingness to believe in myself.

To give myself grace, no matter what happens.

To put everything I have into my goal.

To be worth it means I don’t have to play small.

To be worth it means I can ask others to help me and be grateful in return, without owing them anything other than the offer to help them with their goals in the future.

I’m worthy even if I don’t achieve my goal.

But I also know that when I’m in the thick of my race and my brain is telling me this was a bad idea, I’m worth hanging in there for myself. I’m worth giving this everything I’ve got.

And if this is true for me, it’s also true for you.

YOU are worth it.

Even if your goal scares you.

Even if other people don’t understand why it’s so important to you.

If you have a dream, you are worth going after it.

You’re worth putting in the work and giving it everything you’ve got.

If you fail, you’re still worthy. In fact, you’re worthy of trying again. And again, and again, until you get it the way you want it.

This is your one life…and you’re worth making exactly what you want of it.

What’s YOUR dream? You’re worth it! Click here to schedule a free connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, check out my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡